Blessings (by Laura Story)

I love this song "Blessings" by Laura Story. The words are amazingly applicable to all of us mere human beings and the struggles we have with trusting in God's sovereignty and the contentment we can possess if we simply trust.  Having ceaseless faith in His will is something I've struggled with since I first came to realize years ago that His will is not always my own. I know, in my head, that His will is infallible and perfect and mine is...well...not. It's just when His will is accompanied by pain or loneliness that I, from time to time, begin to "wonder". But, the truth is, if we look hard enough, we can ALWAYS see evidence of Him in our past. And often times in the most obvious of ways. And He's the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. If He was with me in the past, I know He's with me in the present. Even when I can't necessarily see or hear Him, I know from experience that some day, in the not too distant future, I'll be able to look back and say, "Ah. There You were. I can see clearly now how You worked during that time. And I can see them...Your blessings." 

"Once again I'll go over what God has done,
      lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
   I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished,
      and give a long, loving look at your acts." 
                                                           Psalm 77: 11-12 (The Message)

Legacy

Jim, the boys, and I spent the past few days in Scotland with some friends, and can I tell you, there is no where else on Earth quite as majestic and beautiful as Scotland. Absolutely stunning. This weekend will live forever in my memory. But, it will also be with a slight twinge of sadness that I'll recall this weekend, as on the final day of the trip (yesterday) I got a call from my parents letting me know Grandma has passed away.  We knew for several days it was probably coming soon, but I still cried. I cried because I'll miss her, miss just knowing she's there. I cried because I didn't get to officially say good-bye. Mostly I just cried because I wasn't there to help and can't be there for several more months.

We were supposed to go visit one more castle as we made our way back home to England. Jim asked if I still wanted to stop or just go home. As I considered this, in the midst of the sadness, I felt the Holy Spirit filling me with a supernatural peace and understanding. So, we decided to go ahead and stop. The castle was beautiful and grandiose, as to be expected. As I climbed up to the top of the enclosing wall and surveyed the surrounding area, I thought to myself, this is why Grandma always wanted to come to England and Scotland. She didn't get the chance, but I'm seeing it for her now. And, wow--I can only imagine the palaces and scenery she's enjoying now. All of the castles, grand mountains, and other earthly beauties could never compare.

And so, realizing this, in the midst of the sadness, I'm happy. Happy for her. Happy that she's with her husband and daughter again. Happy that she's no longer confused and scared and tormented by dementia. Happy that she's seeing with her own eyes the God of the Universe, whom she served for most of her life.

As I've said before throughout the years, if I can leave a mere fraction of the legacy and Christian heritage that she's left all of us, I'll be doing well. It will be a downright miracle. :) But, I will try. And I will pray. Because she taught me that it works. She did for hours everyday for as long as I can remember.

There's no way I could possibly fully explain the legacy my grandma's left behind, but here are just a few of the things made my grandma truly grand...

1. She said "oop" instead of "oops." Always.
2. She taught me to read by the time I was 4.
3. She taught me to write my name by the time I was 5.
4. Not only did she teach me to read, she taught me to love to read. (She was a librarian:)
5. She taught us our ABCs, using a book with corresponding Bible verses. "A--All we like sheep have gone astray. B--Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved...." I still have the book and am using it to teach the boys. She even taught them to my brother, who has severe Autism and mental retardation.
6. She was the ultimate prayer warrior. For years, she'd get up each day at 4:00 and pray for several hours. When I began driving, she'd always find out my schedule for the following week, so she'd know when I'd be on the road driving and would pray for me specifically during those times.
7. She took time to teach my brother with Autism. She truly believed he could learn. There were times he hated doing his Bible verses and sight word cards, but he learned far more from her than he ever did from school (not that his school was bad).
8. She read God's Word almost incessantly.
9. She never obtained a driver's license. And for not being able to drive, she was one of the most independent women I've ever known. She just walked everywhere. To work. To the grocery store. The post office. And even when she didn't have anywhere she needed to be, she'd still walk just to walk. She could walk circles around most of us.
10. She loved nature. On our many "walks around the block," she'd point out all the different flowers, insects, and types of trees. Wish I'd paid more attention. 
11. She loved the mountains. She would've given anything to go back to live where she'd grown up.
12. She still believed in the mighty pen and paper. Over the years, she had hundreds of pen-pals all over the world. There was even an article written about her in the paper because of her letter-writing hobby. 
13. She thought my dad walked on water. And he thought the same of her.
14. She always had an open-door policy. I spent so many nights in that house. I can still see her face leaning over me as we said bedtime prayers and she tucked me in.
15. She always had the faint smell of onions or aloe plant on her breath. Doesn't sound like it would be a pleasant memory, but to me, it reminds me of how health-conscious she was. I'm pretty sure she's where I got my love of veggies from:)
16. She loved animals and the Earth. She was animal and eco-friendly before it was the 'in' thing.
17. She thought the Weather Channel's background music was rock music. Really.
18. She was constantly working on crossword puzzles. 
19. She read every book that came into her library (except for the evil romance novels). 
20. For someone who considered herself, in her own words, to never really having fit in with the "socialite crowd" of her town, she sure had a lot of friends. Even "the snooty women" found a friend in her. She was the woman the mailman or woman would drop in on and actually have a chat with.
21. She loved petunias and morning glories.
22. She loved me, and I knew it.