Blessings (by Laura Story)

I love this song "Blessings" by Laura Story. The words are amazingly applicable to all of us mere human beings and the struggles we have with trusting in God's sovereignty and the contentment we can possess if we simply trust.  Having ceaseless faith in His will is something I've struggled with since I first came to realize years ago that His will is not always my own. I know, in my head, that His will is infallible and perfect and mine is...well...not. It's just when His will is accompanied by pain or loneliness that I, from time to time, begin to "wonder". But, the truth is, if we look hard enough, we can ALWAYS see evidence of Him in our past. And often times in the most obvious of ways. And He's the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. If He was with me in the past, I know He's with me in the present. Even when I can't necessarily see or hear Him, I know from experience that some day, in the not too distant future, I'll be able to look back and say, "Ah. There You were. I can see clearly now how You worked during that time. And I can see them...Your blessings." 

"Once again I'll go over what God has done,
      lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
   I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished,
      and give a long, loving look at your acts." 
                                                           Psalm 77: 11-12 (The Message)

Legacy

Jim, the boys, and I spent the past few days in Scotland with some friends, and can I tell you, there is no where else on Earth quite as majestic and beautiful as Scotland. Absolutely stunning. This weekend will live forever in my memory. But, it will also be with a slight twinge of sadness that I'll recall this weekend, as on the final day of the trip (yesterday) I got a call from my parents letting me know Grandma has passed away.  We knew for several days it was probably coming soon, but I still cried. I cried because I'll miss her, miss just knowing she's there. I cried because I didn't get to officially say good-bye. Mostly I just cried because I wasn't there to help and can't be there for several more months.

We were supposed to go visit one more castle as we made our way back home to England. Jim asked if I still wanted to stop or just go home. As I considered this, in the midst of the sadness, I felt the Holy Spirit filling me with a supernatural peace and understanding. So, we decided to go ahead and stop. The castle was beautiful and grandiose, as to be expected. As I climbed up to the top of the enclosing wall and surveyed the surrounding area, I thought to myself, this is why Grandma always wanted to come to England and Scotland. She didn't get the chance, but I'm seeing it for her now. And, wow--I can only imagine the palaces and scenery she's enjoying now. All of the castles, grand mountains, and other earthly beauties could never compare.

And so, realizing this, in the midst of the sadness, I'm happy. Happy for her. Happy that she's with her husband and daughter again. Happy that she's no longer confused and scared and tormented by dementia. Happy that she's seeing with her own eyes the God of the Universe, whom she served for most of her life.

As I've said before throughout the years, if I can leave a mere fraction of the legacy and Christian heritage that she's left all of us, I'll be doing well. It will be a downright miracle. :) But, I will try. And I will pray. Because she taught me that it works. She did for hours everyday for as long as I can remember.

There's no way I could possibly fully explain the legacy my grandma's left behind, but here are just a few of the things made my grandma truly grand...

1. She said "oop" instead of "oops." Always.
2. She taught me to read by the time I was 4.
3. She taught me to write my name by the time I was 5.
4. Not only did she teach me to read, she taught me to love to read. (She was a librarian:)
5. She taught us our ABCs, using a book with corresponding Bible verses. "A--All we like sheep have gone astray. B--Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved...." I still have the book and am using it to teach the boys. She even taught them to my brother, who has severe Autism and mental retardation.
6. She was the ultimate prayer warrior. For years, she'd get up each day at 4:00 and pray for several hours. When I began driving, she'd always find out my schedule for the following week, so she'd know when I'd be on the road driving and would pray for me specifically during those times.
7. She took time to teach my brother with Autism. She truly believed he could learn. There were times he hated doing his Bible verses and sight word cards, but he learned far more from her than he ever did from school (not that his school was bad).
8. She read God's Word almost incessantly.
9. She never obtained a driver's license. And for not being able to drive, she was one of the most independent women I've ever known. She just walked everywhere. To work. To the grocery store. The post office. And even when she didn't have anywhere she needed to be, she'd still walk just to walk. She could walk circles around most of us.
10. She loved nature. On our many "walks around the block," she'd point out all the different flowers, insects, and types of trees. Wish I'd paid more attention. 
11. She loved the mountains. She would've given anything to go back to live where she'd grown up.
12. She still believed in the mighty pen and paper. Over the years, she had hundreds of pen-pals all over the world. There was even an article written about her in the paper because of her letter-writing hobby. 
13. She thought my dad walked on water. And he thought the same of her.
14. She always had an open-door policy. I spent so many nights in that house. I can still see her face leaning over me as we said bedtime prayers and she tucked me in.
15. She always had the faint smell of onions or aloe plant on her breath. Doesn't sound like it would be a pleasant memory, but to me, it reminds me of how health-conscious she was. I'm pretty sure she's where I got my love of veggies from:)
16. She loved animals and the Earth. She was animal and eco-friendly before it was the 'in' thing.
17. She thought the Weather Channel's background music was rock music. Really.
18. She was constantly working on crossword puzzles. 
19. She read every book that came into her library (except for the evil romance novels). 
20. For someone who considered herself, in her own words, to never really having fit in with the "socialite crowd" of her town, she sure had a lot of friends. Even "the snooty women" found a friend in her. She was the woman the mailman or woman would drop in on and actually have a chat with.
21. She loved petunias and morning glories.
22. She loved me, and I knew it.

Finding My Niche

I've been trying for probably about 5 years now to find "my ministry." I'm kind of one of those people who is a 'little bit good at a lot of things, but not great at anything'. Know what I mean?

I can hold a tune, but am definitely not a soloist and am too hesitant to sing out in front of people so no one can ever hear me anyway.

I can draw/paint okay, but I don't do it often enough to keep up my skills. And I am such a perfectionist when it comes to stuff like that that I often end up not enjoying the task.

I enjoy working with kids, but I don't necessarily have the patience to work with other people's children all the time and have a joyful attitude about it.

I'm okay at hospitality, but don't have much confidence in my skills in that area.

I am NOT a leader. I've figured that much out for sure.

I've mostly determined that I work best 'behind the scenes' in support roles to those who are doing the leadership or are on the stage. Kind of doing what needs to be done out of the spotlight, I guess you could say. Tell me what needs to be done, and if I can in any capacity accomplish it, I'll take care of it. But, I've kind of felt lost doing that. Like I'm not doing enough for my Lord. Like I'm not using the talents He blessed me with. Like I'm not doing as much as others and therefore, am surely not doing God's will for me. But, everything has always seemed to hit a wall. Especially now, when the logistics of having two very young and very energetic boys to care for while simultaneously doing a ministry seem impossible to navigate.

But, today I kind of had a revelation. My e-devotional today from Proverbs 31 Ministries (http://networkedblogs.com/fPWL2) was about feeling blessed because God, through His mercy, has placed you where you are in life right now for a ministry.The author (Marybeth Whalen) wrote about not losing heart and having faith that God, in all His sovereignty, put you where you are during this season because He knew you and those around you needed you to be there. And so, when you feel overwhelmed, remember this is a God-ordained ministry.

This was where the revelation part came to me. I knew that God had put me in this place in this season of my life for multiple reasons. I've known that for a long time. But, here's the revelation:

I found 'my ministry'.

And it's right here. Sitting in front of me. My family is 'my ministry.'

My ministry may not be listed on my church's website and it may not be some volunteering position at the local homeless shelter. I may not be a missionary to some foreign country as I've often dreamed of being. But I am a missionary in my own home.

During this season, for at least while my children are little (or however long God's deemed), this is my ministry. To love and serve my husband unconditionally and to love, minister to, and teach my children.

I no longer feel ashamed because I'm not the person teaching Sunday School or childrens church, not the one singing on the praise team, holding Bible studies in my home, not able to be the faithful volunteer at the local youth club.

I no longer feel like I'm not using my talents to do some "job" that God has "out there" somewhere waiting on me to find it. 

You see:

I am one of the lead singers of the Ridgeway Family Praise Team. 

I am the ultimate artist of Magnadoodle and Etch-A-Sketch Thomas the Trains and Toodles. 

I am a childrens minister day-in and day-out. Can't say I always have a joyful attitude about it, but, when the day is done, it brings me a joy I couldn't find anywhere else.

I am learning and growing my skills in hospitality as opportunities arise.

I'm a helpmate to the leader of the Ridgeway household. I'm not the leader, because I wasn't born to be. And, for that matter, he isn't and shouldn't be the Ultimate Leader.


Someday, I may be at a place in my life where I can once again find a way to use my talents in the church. But in the meantime...

This is my ministry. And it is, by far, the most important one I'll ever have.

By God's mercy.

(Not So New) Years Resolutions

I broke my primary New Years Resolution last week. Here we are, not even a full three months into the new year, and I'm having to refocus already. What caused my fall from grace? The GAP. And my need for new blue jeans.
Jim's parents and brother came to visit last week, so we took them to London and, while there, visited Picadilly, where the "GAP" sign could very well have screamed read "Tori come here and spend $$$." My thought was "I have lost weight--my jeans are all baggy. I look frumpy all the time. I need to feel good about myself, so I need new jeans. I'll consider it a celebratory purchase and a 'looking-my-best-for-Jesus' purchase." And (hallelujah!) I had gone down a size in my jeans (I'm officially back in the 120 lbs as of yesterday--woohoo!).
But the funny thing was, I DID NOT feel better about myself after that purchase. In fact, I felt horrible, because I'd committed to not buying any clothes this year for myself or the boys. And I failed. Miserably. Like I always do whenever I make a commitment.
You know, I've read that psychologists have proven that people are much more likely to fail at maintaining their resolutions if they tell others about them. It's because the actual telling (or typing) somehow gives them a subconscious satisfaction that causes them to feel they already accomplished the resolution, when in fact, they haven't even begun. For that reason, I'd told nobody of my "no new clothes" resolution, not even Jim. But, I think there was another reason I didn't tell Jim about it. The other resolutions, including completely paying off my mountainous student debt from grad school in the next two years, are shared by Jim and me, so he knows about those. But, I think I didn't tell him about the clothing one because I KNEW I'd fail miserably at it. I guess you could call it a self-fulfilled prophecy.

So, anyway, after we got home, I admitted my failure and apologized to Jim. He was the one who created the budget and, for the most part, sticks to it a little easier than I do. Thankfully (but not surprisingly), he handled it with grace. In fact, he said, "well, you can always say that you bought those jeans in Picadilly London." I responded, "at an American-based company, but anyway..." :)

Sorry you wasted several minutes of your precious time reading my incoherent and almost worthless thoughts. The reason I blogged about this is that I am, from henceforth, going to rebel against the many psychologists who say it's unwise to publicly state your New Year's Resolutions. Hold me accountable, friends, by commenting/inquiring periodically either here or on Facebook like many of you do. Here are my 2011 Resolutions--some will be ongoing for a few years:

1.) DO NOT purchase any new clothes in the year 2011 (unless I lose so much weight that a belt will not suffice;).
2.) Read my Devotional Bible daily. (ongoing)
3.) Put my Lord first, then my husband, then my children. In that order, ALL the time. (ongoing)
4.) Respect and pray for my husband the way God intended me to. (ongoing)
5.) Reduce and recycle as much as possible (including cloth diapering, something I've been trying to do at least twice a day with each of the boys when we're at home alone--never would have thought I could handle being so up close and personal with poop before becoming a mom. But, I digress.).
6.) Reduce the grocery budget to $300. It's currently at $350.
7.) Pay off my remaining two graduate student loans (paid off one this past year!). (ongoing)
8.) Give selflessly to others around me and teach my children to do the same. (ongoing) 
9.) Get rid of all remaining clutter in my house.
10.) Not let paranoid fear of random works of evil paralyze me from feeling comfortable going on trips with the boys. Place my full trust in God's sovereignty. (ongoing)
11.) Exercise at least three times a week. (ongoing)
12.) Lose 5 more lbs.
13.) Not be disgusted with myself if I don't lose 5 more lbs (my husband loves me the way I am and tells me so frequently--and for that matter, so does my Lord). :) Thank you, Jesus.

Canterbury Tales (Ridgeway Version)

 

St. Augustine Abbey

 

We also visited (briefly) the City of Canterbury (home of Chaucer) on the way home from Dover. It's a neat little city similar to Cambridge. Awesome Cathedral in the center of town. And of course, the St. Augustine Abbey.  Unfortunately, everything was closed by the time we stopped by, so we couldn't see the inside of anything. Definitely plan to return soon.

Canterbury Cathedral

Some ruins by the Cathedral. And some people in a tour group who think we're taking a picture of them for some random reason. Um, don't flatter yourselves.

Dover

 

 

 

 

We went to Dover this past weekend to see the castle and the cliffs. We were all sick, so it could have been a little bit more pleasant--but it was still a great trip. Dover's about 2 hours from where we live on the coast of the English Channel. It's where the Chunnel begins.

 

 

Dover Castle

Judah and me--freezing our buns off at the entrance to the castle.

 

City of Dover from the view of the Castle. That's the English Channel. 

Chapel on the grounds of the castle. It still holds services for local military (Royal Navy Fleet is stationed here on the grounds as well.)

Glory

Blaise and Jim at the very top of the tower.

Catapult

 

Blaise using his replica of a broadsword as a spade. 

White Cliffs of Dover--Jim was actually the only one who saw this in person from this view. The rest of us were coughing up lungs in the car by that time.

Lighthouse from 1 A.D. That's no misprint. The first century.

A. MA.ZING. Look at the crazy people on the edge there. No fence.

Ely, Cambridgeshire

We visited Ely a few weeks ago. It's a city located about 30 minutes away from us and is home to one of the "top cathedrals to see" in the UK. The Ely Cathedral is definitely worth seeing. Gorgeous Anglican church which was originally founded by St. Etheldreda (who went through two marriages and remained a virgin until death--go figure) in c.673. We also visited Oliver Cromwell's house, but weren't able to spend much time there due to it being naptime. :)

Here are a few pictures.

At the very top there is a stained glass representation of Jesus, which Blaise called to everyone's attention when he screamed at the top of his lungs, "Oh my goodness! It's De-zus!" He's in possession of some good eyesight. We could barely make it out ourselves. Blaise then proceeded to point out every picture of Jesus he saw. We saw lots of Jesus.

Some pretty awesome stained glass art can be seen in this cathedral. There's actually a stained glass museum here, as well.

There were tombs all over the cathedral with likeness statues on top of them. For some reason, the sculptors chose to design many of the statues in funny positions, such as this one.

Pipe organ/Choir Area

Huge. Made for good echo practice for Blaise. 

Christus.

Blaise wearing a replica of a helmet Cromwell would have worn.

Blaise writing in the style of Oliver Cromwell. Or maybe just drawing circles.

Blaise hugging the statue of one of Cromwell's children.

Jump on the Contentment Bandwagon

This is a long post. So, fair warning:)

Been learning a lot whilst we've been in England. And not just how to drive on the opposite side of the road (which I've become quite used to, actually). But deeper, more life-changing things, as well. In particular, I've been learning about being content in whatever situation you are currently in:


I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Phillippians 4:11-13 NIV)

As an example: I remember at some point during my growing-up years having a particular conversation with my dad (who is probably the wisest person I know) concerning contentment. I remember him making the comment that "different people have different needs." He said that some people (and I'd be willing to say, most people) have a need to be frequently social. "But I, on the other hand," he said as he continued to do yard work in the backyard (one of his favorite pastimes, I think), "am content just staying around the house getting work done. I could potentially not see anybody except for you and your mom and your brother for three or four days or more and be perfectly fine."  If you personally know my dad, you are probably a little shocked. You know my dad loves to talk. To anyone. Anywhere. At any time, for any length of time.

Obviously, his words resonated with me. I think, at the time, my first thought was that's a little reclusive--well, I probably didn't think the word reclusive with my 15ish-year-old mind, but you get my drift. Now, I'm thinking about his words pretty much everyday. You see, when we moved over to England, we went down a car with intentions of buying another second car when we arrived. But, having decided to revamp our "get rid of all our debt as quickly as possible" plan we started last year (Go Dave Ramsey! I heart you!), we've decided that a second car is not in our near future. And because Jim won't suck it up and walk 7 miles in the dark cold to work and back and therefore insists on driving the car :), we three remaining Ridgeways are stuck at the house.

So, needless to say, there have been entire weeks that I've gone without seeing another living soul besides my precious family. My only clue that civilization still actually exists is evidenced by Jim's entertaining stories from work.  And Facebook of course. And CNN.com, too. I guess you could call that civilization. :)

At first, I thought I'd die of social starvation. I'd go grocery shopping in the middle of the week as soon as Jim got home just to get out of the house. I positively despise grocery shopping. I'd keep reminding myself "Tori, this is what you wanted. To stay home and be a wife and mother. To not have to leave the boys with someone else."

I wondered why I was so miserable when I had everything I'd wanted. I finally started to genuinely pray about it and one evening I realized something. I hadn't read God's Word since Judah was born. That was months ago. I'd started in January of last year reading through a One Year Bible, marking and highlighting passages that impacted me, with intents of passing on my "marked up" Bible to Blaise once he got a little older. I intended to do the same for Judah and any other children we have in the future. But, if you look at my marked-up Bible, there is an abrupt stop of highlighting/marking beginning August 31st.

And I spent the next several months allowing Satan to steal my joy and contentment. Almost everything looked gray. Little things became big things. And I totally forgot about the fact the God had blessed me with what I'd wanted so desperately--to be at home with my boys. Second car or no second car. (I remember distinctly saying while I working right after Blaise was born "I would live in a closet, if that would mean I could stay with him.")

When I realized how long it had been since I'd read God's Word, I picked it up--coughing on the dust it stirred up--ashamedly flipped through to the current date. That's when I read Phillipians 4:11-13.

Granted the time after Judah's birth was exhausting (for more reasons than just having Judah), but during what should have been one of the most joyous times of my life, I was unable to take the time to praise and commune with the God who tried to give me that joy to begin with. Who inspired Phillipians 4:11-13. Who created me to be content. Who is the epitome of joy.

Thanks be to God that He doesn't give up when we turn up our spiritual nose at his gifts.

I will tell you that there are still a few days that I feel like I may possibly develop Trichotillomania (look that one up, why don't ya). But, I have learned to be content for the most part. God provides. We may not have the money right now to allocate to as many "fun" things that we really would like (you know, like a car), but we are making lasting memories each and everyday. I realize this when I'm reading to my sons, when I'm exploring my domestic side (which who knew it even existed??), when I'm kissing my husband after he comes home from work, when we're eating a family dinner, and when I'm saying bedtime prayers with my sons. I especially realize it when I hear my 2-year-old partially recite Jeremiah 29:11, one of the Bible verses we've been working on. "A pope and a puture." [a hope and future]:)

And it's not just material things that He provides. He created us to crave friendship, and He provides us with the socialization we need. But, He wants to make sure that we crave friendship with Him first. That we socialize with the God who created socialization first.
 
And it has been in coming to this realization that I can safely say I'm as content as I've ever been.



"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. (Matthew 6:19-20 NIV)



Oh, and get this: we didn't even have cable or satellite until last week when we happened to find a used one for sell for less than 1/2 the original price. I know. Shock, right? So, we watched lots of dvds. Lots of Thomas of the Train. Lots. And you know what's funny? I kind of miss not having satellite.

Cambridge

Few photos of Cambridge, which is about 30 minutes away from where we live. Could have taken a ton more, but my fingers were beginning to feel like they were going to fall off in the freezing cold.

 Church in the heart of Cambridge--St. Catherine's perhaps? Can't remember.

 King's College

 The boys in front of King's College.

 Trinity College.

Trinity College again. Some of the world's most intelligent people have entered those doors for over 450 years. Gorgeous.

As Requested--new photos:)

Here are just a few photos of recent times (for you Aunt Diane!:). Again, they need to be reoriented, but no time;)

 

Blaise reading (spontaneously AND voluntarily) to his baby brother.

 

Judah rocking the Paul Frank.

 

A cowboy without his hat is like a yodel without an "ay-he-hoo".

 Blaise reading the adorable Charlie Brown Christmas book that Granny and Papa Ridgeway sent him.

 Judah eying the yummy chicken spaghetti we were eating for dinner.

Our little elf. Uniform provided by Granny and Papa Ridgeway:)

Better late than never--Thomas Land pictures

I do realize most of these pics need to be reoriented:) Sorry. Let me know if you need me to pay your chiropractic bill for getting a crick in your neck.

These are from when we took Blaise to Thomas Land during December. It's a theme park about 2 hours from here just on the other side of London. It was FREEZING cold, but oh, so much fun!

Waiting to enter Thomas Land. Obviously thrilled:)

It's Toby!

You do not want to know what kind of meltdown ocurred when we had to leave this place.

Blaise and Jim riding the train.

The real Thomas coming into the station.

Blaise after seeing the "real Thomas."

Think that's Edward we're visiting. It's a little sad that I know most of these trains at this point.

Blaise's Video Production Debut

All this time we thought he'd been sitting in the back of the car watching cartoons on the i-touch. Turns out he's been taking video of himself. Jim found 20+ video clips of Blaise having conversations with himself. This one's kind of funny--if you can figure out what he's saying. Hint--Donald Duck.